A Literary Feast -- disclosure policy

It’s that time of year when the spring cleaning bug hits whether you asked for it or not. You look around your home and think, “How in the world did we accumulate so much stuff?!?” What to do when you’re a hot mess of a full-time working mom who still tries to do everything? Hold a yard sale, of course! Here are the steps; watch and learn.

How to Yard Sale in 13 Chaotic Steps

(Attempt at your own risk. Results not guaranteed.)

  1. (January) Get good and fed-up with the amount of stuff in your home. Decide that you’re going to “Marie Kondo” the place. (Don’t know that made-up term? Consult The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I haven’t read it, mind you, but I’m familiar with its general premise.) Shoot for community yard sale in May for maximized traffic and advertising.
  2. Do nothing.
  3. (May) Realize that the community yard sale is two weeks away and you’ve done nothing. Also realize that Saturdays don’t work well for hosting yard sales when you work Friday and Saturday nights.
  4. Switch schedule so you are working Sunday instead of Saturday. (Taking a day off from work to hold a yard sale does not = a sound financial decision.)
  5. Switch schedule back because you are a nice person and someone needs Saturday off more than you do.
  6. Push forward anyway and haphazardly go through closets with two trash bags at a time: one for trash and one for items to sell. Dump most items on toddler’s bed in preparation for yard sale in three days (garage is full of more stuff to get rid of).
  7. Decide that it would kill you to get no sleep in between two night shifts and resign yourself to holding your yard sale on a weekday or a Sunday afternoon (lame).
  8. Realize that the toddler won’t be able to use his bed for the foreseeable future. (That’s okay— he prefers sleeping in your bed anyway.)
  9. Have lightbulb revelation: Memorial Day! It’s on a Monday, so it works around your weekend work schedule, but most people will be off work. Genius!
  10. Tackle closets with fresh vigor and stack in precarious piles in the garage. Go through toy box in the dead of night and play dumb when toddler wakes up. Arrange for dad to take kids on an outing Monday morning so they don’t spy the toys you are selling out from under their noses.

    How to Yard Sale in 13 Chaotic Steps

    That step didn’t work, obviously.

  11. (3 days before). Prep nothing with prices. There’s time for that the day of. Instead, shoot out some quick ads on FB and craigslist. No pictures. No one wants to see your mess of a garage.
  12. Get up at 5am to start dragging things out to the yard. Realize you only have one small patio table. Rig up another surface with a scrap piece of plywood balanced precariously on two patio chairs and toss the rest of the items on a tarp on the ground. Scramble to find small bills, change, and bags. Where’s the masking tape and a sharpie for prices
  13. Miscalculation. Little to no traffic despite repeated advertising and holiday. Sit outside from 7am-2pm, make $130. Keep minions from running into street for two hours when husband has to go to work. Suffer mild heatstroke. But! Accept offer from random stranger to donate leftover items to a church rummage sale/fundraiser. She picks it up. Score! 
  1. How to Yard Sale in 13 Chaotic Steps

    When the kids help, productivity screeches to a halt! (Disclosure: I wasn’t the one who dressed the baby today.)

That was a sh@*-ton of work for $130. However, I decluttered without having to make multiple car trips to donate it, and I made a little spending money in the process. Seeing as a Saturday yard sale wasn’t a viable option, I’ll still count this as a win!

How do you declutter? A slow trickle, an organized plan of attack, or a chaotic mess like me? Comment below!

How to Yard Sale in 13 Chaotic Steps