Gilmore girls Comeback: How the Cynics Freak Out

Gilmore girls fans have proven once again that they can break the Internet. Missed the headlines? Gilmore Girls Limited-Series Revival Set at Netflix — This Is Not a Drill; ‘Gilmore Girls’ revival series in the works at Netflix; Lauren Graham ‘can’t deny’ ‘Gilmore Girls’ Netflix buzz!; and hoards more. Again, broken Internet. As a bloggist, blogger, writer devoted to the ongoing love of Gilmore girls, of course, I have to weigh in on this news. I’ve been tagged all over the place by friends who know that I must be doing cartwheels right now, if I were able to do cartwheels. Don’t be alarmed, then, if the tone of this post seems as if I invited Eeyore to be a guest blogger. It’s true that I’m not a cheerleader by nature. I’d be about as convincing as Lane Kim is. I do consider myself generally optimistic, albeit in a reserved way rather than the Rah, Rah, Rah way. But THIS news– wouldn’t it put pom poms into the hands of even the most eeyoreist of Eeyores?

The viewpoint of all true Gilmore girls fans

Maybe it’s because I traveled all day and was tired when I first saw the headlines. Maybe it’s because the Gilmore girls reunion left me just the teensiest bit jaded. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen too many sequels of good movies that just fall flat. Maybe it’s because I’m cynical that they can get all of the cast back. Or, maybe it’s because I’m currently reading Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee and am sorely disappointed. I think that’s the reason that comes closest to it. I don’t like it when my fairy tales are spoiled. The image above sums it up: Stars Hollow is a perfect world– well, not perfect, of course, but brilliantly flawed. It has lived on through the years in its little bubble which will suddenly burst into Marty McFly’s future. Almost a decade has passed since we said goodbye to the Gilmore girls; each one of us fans has our own views on what has happened to them since then. What if they screw it up? Our fate is in the hands of the Gilmore girls god, Amy Sherman-Palladino. I trust her to do it up right, but still…

Now, if this truly does become a reality, I will get as little sleep the night before as a kid on Christmas Eve, to be sure. For now, I will proceed with my normal cautious optimism. There are a bunch of articles circling about what we want to see in a Gilmore girls comeback. Let’s play a fun game and do the opposite (keeping with the Eeyore tone). What do we NOT want to see in the revival? What would be like nails on a chalkboard? What would tarnish the silver finish of our beloved Stars Hollow? I’ll start:

1. Starting back right where they left off. Did I mention that it’s been almost a decade? I know that Lauren Graham has good genes, and Alexis Bledel still looks like a baby, but come on. We are not idiots. We have all aged, some more than others (sorry, Scott Patterson), and there are some that have become much hotter with age (cough, cough Matt Czuchry). It would be a disservice to pretend that much water has gone under the bridge since the series finale.

2. Luke and Lorelai have more than one kid together. I would totally be happy with Luke and Lorelai offspring. Lorelai has always given off baby vibes, and it’s high time that Luke had jam on his hands. But let’s get real. Lorelai would have been 39 when the series ended… and it only ended with a reuniting kiss between the couple. I can see them having one child when she’s 40 or 41– more than that, and it just gets a little weird.

3. There is absolutely no appearance by Sookie St. James. Yes, yes, I know– Melissa McCarthy has entered the inner circles of Hollywood where TV stars only dare to tread. But Sookie is such an integral part of both the show and Lorelai’s life, it would be a shame if they just have to explain away her absence in an awkward fashion. At least get her on one of the four episodes so that we can hear in her own voice why she and Jackson became goat farmers and cheesemongers in northern Italy.

4. Rory is married to any of her exes. Dean? Just no. She outgrew him along with her saddle shoes. Jess? Sure, he wowed us all in Season 6 when he reappears as an older, more mature Jess who is actualizing on his intellectual capabilities. But I’ve never been Team Jess, and that will never change, world without end, amen. Logan? Oh, I love Logan. But he was hurt too badly by Rory to ever take her back. Too much pride and self-respect. But here’s the problem: four episodes isn’t enough to introduce a new guy for her and make him believable. But we also don’t want her to still be single in her 30s, right? That’s a little sad. I don’t have a good solution for this one. Your comments below, please.

5. They reuse old jokes. I’m not worried about this one. AS-P is brilliant and the dialogue will be new. But, please don’t try to cater to the fans and reuse lines that somehow have become catchphrases. Oy with the poodles, already? That’s memorable, but it was in ONE episode. Copperboom? Seriously, people. That one I had to look up to see what the context was. The trouble with people is that they try to make everything quotable. Gilmore girls is not quotable. The dialogue is too rapid-fire and full of stream-of-consciousness technique. It also doesn’t have catchphrases. That’s too cheesy. I was secretly pleased that in the ATX reunion, Graham and Bledel kind of made fun of the lines people quote to them because, honestly, I’ve been doing that for years. You love the show. Great. You don’t need a secret phrase to prove it. Or a nickname. (Gilly? Gag me.)

6. They make a big deal about how the world has changed. We know, we live in it. I think a comeback would work best in present day, but we don’t need reminders that there are such things as smartphones and Netflix now. It would be stranger if they were still using flip phones and renting videos. We know it’s been almost a decade; just go with the flow and don’t rub our faces in the fact that we’re that much older now and have had to wait this long to see the rest of the story.

7.  No more Friday Night Dinners. That’s a personal reason, of course, because what would happen to my blog then? 🙂 Those dinners are such an important part of the show, though; how could they take them away? They’d be different for sure: Richard is gone, sadly. And if Luke and Lorelai have a kid and Rory is married, they’ll be bigger and messier, more resembling a Parenthood dinner, but that’s okay. I think it will reveal an Emily who has mellowed and blossomed with time, a true queen of the family.

Okay, your turn. What have I missed? What would you not like to see in a Gilmore girls comeback? As cynical as I may be, I will relish keeping the discussion and hypotheses going!

Gilmore girls reunion, Austin, TX, June 2015

(featured photo courtesy of Netflix— added in hindsight, obviously)